


"how good it was when we were crazy in love"

by rhythmandbeat



Series: the galaxy that i'll offer just for you [4]
Category: AB6IX (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, minor Jeon Woong/Lim Youngmin, minor Park Woojin/ Kim Donghyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 11:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19356091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhythmandbeat/pseuds/rhythmandbeat
Summary: There's another clutter of noise and Woong's heart sinks. Woojin sits behind him, backs on each other because this goddamn hurts and Woong is sorry, just very sorry.





	"how good it was when we were crazy in love"

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the anon who asked for an angst, I hope you know this whole fic is dedicated to you. This [is based on this chapter of my fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090372/chapters/45824668)
> 
>  
> 
> Lyrics and title is based on [reminding me song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5j3bSprL1k)
> 
>  
> 
> It took me two months to finish this siGHSSS but I'm glad I was able to finish this already so I could move forward to another fic I want to write.

 

 

 

 

_fragment of last:_ _**but I’m still hanging onto**_ _**the memories that you left**_

 

 

 

There's another clutter of noise and Woong's heart sinks. Woojin sits behind him, backs on each other because _this goddamn hurts_ and Woong is sorry, just very sorry.

 

 

“What do you mean?” Woojin's voice sounds unsure, hesitant, and taken aback.

 

 

Woong can paint Woojin's face. Red stricken with tears, eyes crumpled and brows meeting in confusion. Woong is hurt. Woojin's pain is his pain but he's going to break Woojin, he knows he does. He knows by the end of every thing, his guilt is going to seep through every vein of his.

 

 

Woong shrugs, pretending he's nonchalant. “I guess ---”

 

 

“What went wrong, baby?” He asks, hiccuping. Woong pretends he doesn't almost get up on the floor to run and get him some water and rub his back. “Did I do anything wrong? Was it because I forgot to wash the dishes last night? Or was I not ---” There's a deafening silence. “was I not enough, Woongie hyung?”

 

 

He bites his lips to halt himself from denying it. It's far from it. Woojin is enough --- has always been enough for him. Woojin is too much, even. Jeon Woong does not deserve Park Woojin.

 

 

Park Woojin is a firecracker. _Crazy, outstanding, exciting, yet fleeting._

 

 

“I---” He stops and chants _you can do it, break his heart._ “I am seeing someone.”

 

 

Woong hears a loud gasp and sudden movement. He knows Woojin's feeling small by the way he puts his chin on his knees, the way he wraps his arms around his legs. He's seen Woojin like this before, whenever he got hurt by the words others used to throw on him before but Woong had always been there for him.

 

 

He's never imagined that he's going to do the same to him.

 

 

“But eight years, Woongie hyung.” He whispers and Woong almost misses his words. “Eight years with you --- you're going to let it go down the drain.”

 

“Because you never even have a dream, Woojin.” He reasons out, almost yelling. Maybe, Woong would hear himself. Maybe, Woong would listen to himself this time around. “You never wanted to be something more than you are!”

 

 

There's a bitter laughter coming from Woojin. “Oh. Yeah, just a struggling back up dancer. Compared to a popular rising singer like you, huh. Who am I even?”

 

 

Woong stands and faces Woojin but the younger still is not looking back at him. “I'm sorry.”

 

 

He watches Woojin nods. Woong now tastes the aroma of goodbye. _This hurts,_ but everything hurts in life, he decides as he hesitantly takes a step away from where the other is slumped.

 

 

“Woongie.” He wistfully calls. “Do you want me to fight for you? Do you think I can win if I try a little bit harder? Do you think --- I can still get you back if I ask you to stay? If I beg on my knees? Will you change your mind?”

 

 

_I've never wanted you gone,_ Woong thinks, as he clenches his fists, nails digging further because then maybe his heart would hurt less. Maybe he wouldn't remember the time Woojin told him about the break up. Maybe he wouldn't recall the face Woojin made when they talked about breaking up.

 

 

_“If you want an out of this relationship, tell me. I'll ask if I can win you back and when you tell me No, I would respect it. Even if I want to fight. Even if I want to stay with you. Even if it breaks my heart.”_

 

 

_“Why would you not beg me to stay?”_

 

 

_“You wouldn't even think about breaking up if I've done enough in the first place.”_

 

 

“Sorry.” He answers. “Good bye.”

 

 

Woong wants to shout. Woong wants Woojin to fight. Maybe he might change his mind. _Fight,_ Woong wants to tell him as he grips the knob of their once shared apartment, now void and empty just like how his heart is.

 

 

Before he goes, Woojin says, “You have told me I have no dream, but Woongie hyung, my dream had always been you. You and me. Happy.” Woojin suddenly exhales loudly and laughs, devoid of bitterness and hurt. “Now, I just want you to be happy. Even without me.”

 

Woong has never run away as fast as he can with shaky knees after Woojin's words.

 

 

 

 

_fragment one:_ _**wine, he’s spitting out the wine**_

 

 

 

Youngmin grimaces and groans as Woong watches the elder takes in the wine that's been sitting in his cooler for a long time. The elder takes another sip and almost spits out as he tuts, wagging his finger for disapproval.

 

“You didn't like it?” He asks, a little bit hopeful, brows raising in curiosity.

 

The taller one shakes his head, putting down his wine glass. He then pulls him on his side and wraps him tightly in his arms. “It's too sweet. Beer tastes better.”

 

Woong nods.

 

But he doesn't seem to think so.

 

 

 

 

 

“Wine, really?” Woong gasps in bewilderment as the younger dances in his jeans with the wine cradling on his arms like a baby. He can't help but laugh at his antics. It's like the younger is a baby with how he's treating the wine bottle like it's the most precious thing in the world.

 

 

Woojin is glowing, though, Woong must have to admit. With his curtains open and the lights of sun directly hitting the boy, Woong must have to admit that this is love. With Woojin in his apartment, in nothing but his old faded jeans, as he plays a song in his old vinyl record player.

 

“The fuck is wrong with wine?” He asks back, settling down the bottle on the bedside table. The younger then pulls him to stand on his bed, swaying to an old song he's heard so many times before, peppering him kisses on his face to his jaw down to his neck.

 

 

He can't help but laugh even more. Because he knows, this is love. It's love. With Woojin and nobody else.

 

 

“We're broke college students, Woojin.” He reminds him, fingers playing at the hair on Woojin's nape, eyes not breaking the contact. This feels nice, to be swaying with a dancer like Woojin in a song only they can hear. This feels nice the way Woojin's fingers tighten around his waist. This feels nice and a little bit crazy, but Woong likes it.

 

 

The other shrugs. “But you're like wine, you know?” He says, pulling him closer until their noses bump into each other.

 

 

Woong's brow raises.

 

 

“The longer it is, the better it tastes.”

 

 

The pink dusting on Woojin's cheeks are evident and cute, and Woong likes the color to stay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woong stands, opens his wine cooler, and puts back the bottle. And Woong sees it. It's the cherry red wine. It's _his_ favorite one. It's the one he's been happy to collect and Woong feels like it's mocking him in a way he cannot fathom. It's there and Woong knows the way he feels for the other will also stay.

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment two:_ _**now he, he's laying in the sheets** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woong runs, stops, and bumps onto the grocery cart Woojin's pushing, flushed cheeks from running inside the big supermarket. It's times like these that makes Woojin's heart beats for the elder a little bit faster than the normal ones. For what he and Woong have, it's nothing ordinary.

 

 

The elder puts some big fluffy sheets in the cart, making Woojin scrunch his nose twice. There's a big toothy grin and a glint on the other's eyes as he unfolds the sheets. The brown character that resembles his boyfriend greets him and he can't help but sigh, albeit a little bit too fondly.

 

 

Woong blinks at him. “What? What's with the expression?” He asks, blinks once more like he's an innocent lamb, which he isn't, to be very honest.

 

 

“A bear?” He questions.

 

 

He only shrugs, winding his arms around Woojin's. “You said I look like a bear.” Woojin groans in response. He knows where this is going. The way Woong is trying to act cute, voice octave higher than he has.

 

 

Woong pouts as he crosses his arms. “I just want to remind you of myself, baby.”

 

 

Woojin turns to him seriously, leveling his eyes down to Woong's. “Baby,” he sighs fondly. “I hope you know that in whatever and wherever I am, I would always be reminded that I have you. No escape.”

 

 

The smile on Woong's face feels like a breath of fresh air, shy, timid, and raw. “Stop the cheesiness, Woojin.”

 

 

He slings his right arm on Woong's shoulders. “I only say the facts.”

 

 

The giggles Woong emits is like his favorite music, no matter how cringe it sounds in his mind. His boyfriend still looks back at him, more determined. “I have the red sparrow sheets, baby.”

 

 

Woojin sighs. Woojin gives in. He always does. When it comes to Woong, Woojin is rendered helpless.

 

 

The way Woong jumps and down like a little child when he gives in is what Woojin wants to see every single second of his life. The way Woong jumps inside the cart and pouts at him, telling him to push him inside the cart, hands flapping on the sides --- Woojin thinks it's love.

 

 

“You're crazy.” Woojin mutters under his breath, heaving a sigh as he holds the cart.

 

 

Woong laughs a little bit loudly and says, “But baby, we're both crazy in love.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The warmth is gone, Woojin realizes as he turns around to see no one beside him. But there's a movement coming from somewhere so he sits and sees another person digging something inside his closet.

 

 

Woojin smiles when he realizes it's Donghyun.

 

 

It's Donghyun beaming at him when he turns around with blankets on his hands.

 

 

“Morning, love.” Donghyun greets, voice a little raspy as he marches on the bed to give him a sloppy kiss. Woojin can't help but smile at it.

 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

 

Donghyun shows him some sheets on his hands. “I'm cleaning and I'm thinking of throwing some sheets away since I bought new ones already.”

 

 

He hums and eyes the sheets on his hands.

 

 

Something catches his eyes.

 

 

It's brown.

 

 

_Brown._

 

 

Woojin hears the way his heart falls inside his stomach.

 

 

He hurriedly snatches the pink sheet on Donghyun's hands and sees how the other's face turns from a smiling to a questioning one.

 

 

“Love?” Donghyun calls, hands on his face.

 

 

“I ---” He stutters, a little lost. “I can't throw this away.”

 

 

“But it's old.”

 

 

“My mom gave it to me. Said it resembles me.” Woojin lies, not meeting his boyfriend's eyes.

 

 

Donghyun smiles, the toothy kind one, and gives him a kiss on his forehead. Woojin hesitantly wraps his arms around his frame. “Definitely not. I don't think you look like a bear. A bear is cute and cuddly.”

 

 

He fakes a smile, fingers intertwining with Donghyun's. He hopes the older wouldn't notice it. He hopes he'd let it pass by. “And I'm not?”

 

 

The latter thinks deeply and shakes his head. “Nope.” The mischief in Donghyun's eyes are evident. “You're hot. Definitely hot.”

 

 

Woojin's laugh echoes inside the room.

 

 

But what he hides is the echo inside his hollow heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment of first:_ _**nights, I miss the faded nights** _

 

 

 

 

Woong has met Woojin in the most boring way.

 

 

Brand New Entertainment is holding a party and all of the staff are required to join, and a new and aspiring solo singer, Jeon Woong wears the best velvet suit he can find in his closet. There's not a lot of people, it's not like Brand New is a big company but as soon as he enters the small yet spacious party, someone catches his attention.

 

 

He stands there, away from the crowd that's been wilding for the past few hours. He stands in his dark purple suit, auburn hair styled too nicely, earrings dangling and shaking as he bobs his head to the beat of the music. He's a little bit out of place --- the way he stands and smiles _too forced,_ Woong would like to think.

 

 

The older does not understand what leads him towards the boy. Maybe it's how he looks too lost for his own good or maybe it's the way his heart suddenly forget to beat when the other straightly looks at him, gives him a tentative shaking smile and then Woong sees the snaggletooth and maybe --- just maybe he's sold.

 

 

“Woong.” He introduces, offering his glass for a toss.

 

 

The other nods and clicks his own glass with his. “Woojin.” He takes a sip and groans. “Tastes like hell. You like it?”

 

 

“Never been fond of it.”

 

 

“Do you mind?” He asks, putting their glasses on the table. He then offers his hand.

 

 

“Where to?” This, piques his curiosity.

 

 

“To my heaven.”

 

 

 

Woong learns that the _Heaven_ Woojin is referring to an old school record store a good twenty minute walk away from Brand New. Everything seems and looks vintage as soon as they enter the store. One old man greets the other boy with a smile and Woong looks so lost. He follows the young man with a scratch on his head.

 

 

Unbeknownst to him, this makes Woojin fondly smile and faces him, tilting his chin up. “And what makes the pretty one seem confused?”

 

 

Dramatically, he looks around and says, “This? This is your heaven?”

 

 

Woojin smiles and suddenly all the confusion in his mind is gone. “Don't you think so?” He watches him inhale the air. “Fresh.” Exhales. “And unique.”

 

 

“I never pegged you to be into old music style” He turns away by distracting himself with some old records, looking through piles and piles of them. Because if he doesn't, he thinks his face would betray him. Woojin smells like a trap --- _danger danger stranger danger._ “You're more like hiphop and swag, ya know.”

 

 

“Oh honey,” Woojin tuts. “you don't know half of it just yet.”

 

 

There's something with the way Woojin says it as if he's challenging him --- as if he's teasing him and boy does he want to get to know him more. He needs to get to know him more. He's more than intrigued --- more than curious.

 

 

Woojin pulls out a record and smiles triumphantly. “Are you in for the ride, Mister Jeon?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment four:_ _**staying out 'til morning light** _

 

 

 

 

 

“And the best male singer goes to...”

 

 

There's a loud drum roll and Woong feels like he's forgotten how to breathe properly as everyone claps and then there's a small push on his back. They all stand up, Woong still confused as everyone is leading him on the stage.

 

 

He feels his knees shaking as he takes a step forward. There have been so many things coming into his mind as he looks around the room, all of his fellow singers and idols have been clapping their hands for him.

 

 

Everything feels surreal when he clasps the mic and gives his speech that he's planned for a long time. Everything feels like a dream when he buckles and cries and everyone laughs at him. He's been in this industry for a long time but each time feels like the first time.

 

 

He takes a momentarily gaze at everyone and stops when he sees Youngmin standing and clapping at him. He takes a moment because as soon he gets off the stage, the older welcomes him with a beautiful expensive bouquet of flowers. He takes another moment and another step backwards.

 

 

 

 

“Jeon Woong!”

 

 

The young boy looks around the empty hall with the first award he's ever gotten out of acting. The hall is empty save for him, Woong concludes with a smile on his face that he's just maybe hallucinating.

 

 

“Jeon Woong!”

 

Not far from where he turns around stands a dashing young man in his long sleeve white polo and a smile that shows his snaggletooth. On his hand is a bouquet not of flowers but of chocolates. Woong's heart swells even more as he runs towards the younger one. Woong holds on for his dear life as he buckles himself up.

 

 

“Congratulations to my Best New Singer!” Woojin says in lieu of greeting, giving him kisses all over his full make up face. Woong finds it disgusting but Woojin does not mind and his kisses have always been nice and make Woong's toes curl in the best way possible.

 

 

Woong punches Woojin on his shoulder and juts his lips forward. “You weren't there!”

 

 

Woojin hoists him up steadier with both hands full. “Love.” He calls lovingly and Woong kind of wants to punch him because it tugs his heart the way he addresses him. “Did you ever think I would actually miss seeing you getting the award that you have deserved for a long time?”

 

 

He avoids his gaze and nods.

 

 

“Would you like me to take you to my paradise instead, love?”

 

 

Woong thinks as he meets Woojin's eyes that he'd come with the younger one wherever he goes. Especially with the glint that he has on his eyes. Even to hell, Woong would surely follow.

 

 

 

 

Paradise, he thinks, is Woojin's humble abode.

 

 

It's a small simple apartment. Small collection of figurines are arranged nicely in his living room. It's nice and cozy with black and white as the motif. Woong has never been felt so much homely as much as he can until Woojin's arms are wrapped tightly around him, chin props on his shoulder, and feet taking them onto the couch.

 

 

“Welcome to my paradise.” Woojin tells him.

 

 

“I thought that your apartment would be more like of vintage and old school.”

 

 

The younger smirks and walks out and Woong can't help the whine which makes Woojin roll his eyes. He disappears for a moment and the older looks around the room and spots photographs on the table.

 

 

There he sees Woojin and his family. Woojin with his Pooh. Woojin with his Mom and Dad. Woojin with his sister. Woojin crying. Woojin smiling. Woojin doing stupid things. And oh, everything makes Woong's heart swells more and more from the happiness Woojin brings him.

 

 

Before he turns around, Woojin has two wine glasses on his hands and a bottle on the other. There is that goofy innocent smile painting on his lips. Before Woojin does anything, Woong runs up to cup his face with his hands and meets his lips with his own chapped ones. Woong is not sure what's happening. He feels a little dizzy and confused yet so much in love.

 

 

He feels a little bit breathless. A little bit of being in cloud nine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment five: **oh, love, I know this isn’t love, 'cause I’m still thinking of you**_

 

 

“Would you like to move in together?”

 

 

Jeon Woong stills on his seat, spoon and fork in the air, and feels like the other drops a bomb on him. His legs shake because the moment he checks on Youngmin's face looks too hopeful with the way he crinkles his eyes and bites his red lips.

 

 

“M—ove in? Together?” He repeats like he's dumb.

 

 

The elder nods eagerly at him. But Woong knows that this is also new for the other. “I mean --- it's been like months since we started dating. Don't you think --- like we should move in?”

 

 

_Three months,_ he'd like to clear it up.

 

 

_Three months yet every day still feels like a regret._

 

 

 

 

“Can you guess which things are inside?” Woong challenges the man who's holding a box with fragile on top of it. The other shrugs his shoulders and continues to walk in their apartment.

 

 

Woojin eyes him and pulls him in the corner. “Stop harassing the poor boy, baby.” He tells him and Woong beams at what he says. “Also, did you take a huge amount of sugar because you're too hyper for your own good?”

 

 

The elder watches as the movers get out their apartment as he snakes his hands around the younger's neck and buries his face onto the broad and hard chest of the other. “I am just too happy that we're starting this together.”

 

 

He feels Woojin caressing his hair as he responds, “Baby, being with you has the been the most fun. We can go to hell as long as we're together and I'm so sure we'll still have fun.”

 

 

Once he looks up at his boyfriend, through his fringe, Woong feels like this moment is something he'd forever cherish. Right here, right now with Park Woojin, there's nothing to feel but happiness and contentment.

 

 

“Do you believe we can last together?” He questions, voice muffled as he digs deeper into the other's chest. He believes in Woojin --- in them --- in what they feel but there's something at the back of his mind that feels like one day, the other would run away. The other would leave.

 

 

There's a tug on his hands and Woojin smiles as he interlaces their fingers together. The way the colors of their don't match makes the elder smile fondly. “I should be the one asking you that because I won't be giving you up anytime soon.”

 

 

 

 

“Woong? Ooo-- Woong?”

 

 

_It's different,_ Woong notes because the one in front of him is not of tanned skin and snaggletooth but of red haired and long legs.

 

 

“Are you okay?” There's some concern in his eyes that makes Woong look away. This feels cheating, the way he remembers his former relationship and the way every flashback and memory gives him more regret yet at the same time longing.

 

Woong tries to offer a smile which he knows would not reach his ears. “I---”

 

 

Youngmin sighs and puts down the utensils on the table and looks down like he's lost some hope. “You don't want to move in with me?”

 

 

The younger bites the inside of his cheeks and heaves a sad sigh. “I--- I'm sorry.”

 

 

Jeon Woong meets Youngmin's eyes and with a pat on his hand leaves the room.

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment six:_ _**I deleted your number with every text, I’m still tryna' forget you** _

 

 

 

The loud beep of his phone catches Park Woojin off guard. When he looks at the clock on his bedside table, it's 2 in the morning. Panic rises as he thinks of Donghyun because nobody actually rings him at this time except for him.

 

 

It's from an unknown number.

 

 

As soon as he reads the message, his phone drops on his lap.

 

 

 

 

“You don't understand!” Woong yells at him.

 

 

Woojin sighs tiredly and sits on the couch, back crouched. “What I don't understand? That he keeps touching you? That he's eye fucking you, hyung? And you're reciprocating it?”

 

 

Woong freezes in his place with his hands on his waist, basking in disbelief. “I'm what, Woojin? Am I reciprocating it?” He brisk walks to him, forcing the younger to look at him. “Is that what you think I was doing? Did you think I would be --- oh my god. I can't believe you.”

 

 

“Then why won't you introduce him to me?”

 

 

“Cause he's just an acquaintance!” Woojin hears the aggravation in Woong's voice. He tries so hard to avoid this confrontation but the things he's seen inside the practice room at Brand New gives him more anxiety than ever. “He's just --- nobody.”

 

 

“Really? Feels like he's been touching you so much you don't even flinch at all.”

 

 

Woong shouts from annoyance and steps away with his hands in the air. “Just --- text me when your mind is clear and when you want me to. Right now --- it feels like you don't want me here. With you, Woojin.”

 

 

The younger watches Woong getting his phone and wallet and walking out from their shared bedroom. He does not flinch with how loud the elder has closed the door. When he closes his eyes, though, he sees a tall man touching his boyfriend in his arm then his waist and everything does not feel okay.

 

 

 

 

**to: baby**

**message:**

_hey, I'm sorry. I was irrational._

 

 

**to: baby**

**message** _**:** _

_message me back, baby._

 

 

**to: baby**

**message** _**:** _

_I was jealous and I was not in my mind. I'm so sorry._

 

 

**to: baby**

**message** _**:** _

_come back home._

 

 

**to: baby**

**message** _**:** _

_come back to me._

 

 

**to: baby**

**message:**

_I was so scared of losing --- I still am._

_One moment, you're here and I feel like you're going to slip thru_

_my hands and I know it's so unfair for me to think this. I can't_

_help, so I'm so sorry. Baby, just come back, please._

 

 

 

 

 

**from** _**:** _ **010-7789-5050**

**message:**

_It was I who gave up, not you._

_Every day of my life tastes nothing but regret._

_I'm so sorry._

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment seven:_ _**I never should have left** _

 

 

 

 

The bitter taste of regret comes seeping right in as he walks on the street and bumps onto a hard and sharp shoulder of a stranger. He must have had drunken too much beer (which he avoids doing so because his taste has always been more of into wine than any alcoholic beverage) but last night is different. Woong is not even sure of what happened right after.

 

 

 

His butt comes in contact with the hard ground as he falls and meets eyes with the stranger who looks equally surprised as him. The tension tonight is a little bit more tense as he tries so hard not to stare too long than necessary but he can't help it.

 

 

 

_He's here._

 

 

 

The same tanned skin and raw melanin --- the same black eyes that hold galaxy of adoration --- the same chiseled jaw --- the same person --- the same he used to love --- _yet different._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you being serious?”

 

 

_There's no need to answer, Woong._

 

 

 

 

“Why --- okay, I know that you have broken up with me, but, don't you want to fix this? Us? Again?” He asks, desperation is so becoming of Woojin these days. It's obvious he hasn't slept that good since they broke up --- his dark circles are becoming darker and he's becoming much thinner than possible.

 

 

“We---” He inhales, packing his things inside his baggage. “---we cannot fix us anymore, Woojin.” He says it like it's final. It's the end. Because it really is.

 

 

 

Woojin shuts up and slides himself in the corner of their once shared bedroom and Woong shuts up, too, sitting himself on top of their once shared bed. His fingers lightly cross over the soft linens and blankets and he remembers the times they used to stay in the bed instead of doing more productive things. All the times they have whispered the sweetest and dirtiest words they could ever think of.

 

 

 

They are now all gone and just empty promises. Nothing more and nothing less.

 

 

 

“Is-- is there --- is there someone else?” His voice stutters, so unlike of the confidence he's once heard from him.

 

 

 

Woong makes an effort not to stutter because this is the decision he's made for them --- for himself. “Yes.”

 

 

 

 

The younger laughs and shakes his head. He watches the one he loves walk away from him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you --- okay?” The other asks him, a little unsure of himself, of him --- and of his surroundings.

 

 

 

Woong attempts to smile as Park Woojin assists him on standing as if he's a paper mannequin that is ready to be hurt at any given time. _And oh god,_ even the way he smells is so still the same. The way his eyebrows curve in the middle of his forehead every time he's hurt himself and the other worried about him is just so the same.

 

 

 

Then again he remembers that Woojin has always been like this.

 

 

 

“Yeah---” He replies, dusting off his pants, avoiding the gaze as much as possible because Woojin _cannot_ worry about him. Woojin _cannot_ be kind to the person who's hurt him the most. Woojin _cannot_ make him feel things the way he's done before. “yeah, I'm good, sorry about that.”

 

 

Woojin nods and takes a step to the side which he coincidentally also takes. Then to the other which he follows. Fate is playing him, Woong knows. Fate is making a fool out of him.

 

 

“Sorry---” Woong rubs the back of his neck, giving a small space towards the younger to go through. Woojin passes by him and he strains his neck not to look back at the retreating figure but he can't as he faces to where the younger is going to but the younger is also weighing his decisions in his life, so it seems.

 

 

Woojin faces him and eyes him. “Are you really sure you're okay?”

 

 

The last wall he's keeping breaks down in less than a second and he's already enveloping him inside his arms. “I'm so sorry. I really am so sorry.” He mutters, his hands tightly clinging onto Woojin. “I know millions of sorry would never be enough for how I have caused you, but I still am.”

 

 

He feels an awkward pat on his back and Woojin says, “I'm sorry too, Woongie hyung.”

 

 

“No – no, no.”

 

 

“Cause I was never enough for you. But I guess, everything is in the past now.” Woojin dismisses, prying him off of his body, leaving a cold space in between them. He has a smile on his face, the gentle one where he used to see when Woong did something clumsily and Woojin had to forgive him. “We're all good, I promise.”

 

 

There's a tentative nod that comes from him, rubbing his tears off of his face.

 

 

“I got your text.” Woong's eyes perk up from what Woojin reveals. “I think you were quite drunk last night. And look at where it took us --- here --- on the streets.”

 

 

_What text?_

 

 

He recalls himself typing a message then deleting then typing again _and holy shit I sent it._

 

 

“Seems like you're too drunk and now you're realizing you really did.” Woojin mumbles like he can read him like an open book. “It's fine, though. I forgive you. I forgive whatever between the two of us.”

 

 

“I---”

 

 

“Love?”

 

 

There's another voice that catches their attention. There's a tall man that attaches himself confusedly to Woojin's arms and he's not jealous. No, he cannot be jealous. _There is no need to be jealous,_ he tells himself as the other man looks at him from head to toe. _There is no need to be jealous_ when you're the one who failed your relationship.

 

 

“Who is he?” The unknown man asks.

 

 

Woojin smiles at him then at the man beside him. “He's Woongie hyung. I told you about him, remember?”

 

 

There's a knot in between his forehead then a sudden epiphany is shown in his face. He then offers his hand for a shake. “Oh, yes, Woong- _ssi,_ my pleasure to meet you. I'm Woojin's boyfriend, Kim Donghyun.”

 

 

Jeon Woong fakes a smile, it's where he's good at. He's gotten used to it in front of Youngmin so he should be used to it by now. He takes the offered hand and shakes it lightly. There's no bad feeling he feels nor sees from Woojin and Donghyun and he envies that.

 

 

They should be. They should be, though, but they aren't. Not even quite.

 

 

“I'm sorry, Woongie hyung. We have to go.” Woojin tells him.

 

 

There is nothing that he can do but watch as the two walk away from him. He does nothing as Donghyun- _ssi_ wraps his arm around Woojin's torso. He does nothing while his heart beats like it's going to explode at any time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment eight:_ _**He keeps reminding me that you’re still gone** _

 

 

 

 

There's some silence hanging over their heads as Woojin envelops Donghyun with his arms, burying his face onto his neck. What he and Donghyun have, it's special. At his lowest, Donghyun was the one who caught him and uplifted him. He owes Kim Donghyun of who he is right now.

 

 

He loves Donghyun with all that he can.

 

 

So why is he feeling unsure --- why is he thinking of stupid things ever since he's seen Jeon Woong on the street? The way his eyes fluttered open as he looked back at him, surprise evident on his face. The way he parted those lips as he watched Donghyun wrapped his arms around him. The way those eyes quiver as he met Donghyun's eyes.

 

 

Woojin knows it all. Woojin has seen them all.

 

 

It baffles him to the core why --- _why ---_ why was Jeon Woong looking like he's regretted his whole life when he was the one who decided it for them? For him?

 

 

“Love?” Donghyun calls out, caressing the top of his hands on his.

 

 

The younger replies with a hum.

 

 

Donghyun tightens his arms around his and says, “Do you want to break up?”

 

 

Park Woojin freezes and suddenly it feels like someone pours ice cold water on him. He feels like he's also electrified after hearing Donghyun's words. _Suddenly? Out of the blue?_

 

 

_Did he feel it?_

 

 

_Did he know?_

 

 

A sudden tap on his hands bring him back to reality. “Shh, shhh, calm down there, Woojin.”

 

 

“What--”

 

 

“Love,” he exhales a little loudly. “in two years of our relationship, I think I already know you. And right now, with him coming back --- with you seeing him again, everything comes back. It's not like it's lost. It's not like how you felt --- feel for him ever goes away. It's there. With you. All the time.”

 

 

“No.... no.” He says, all the words coming out of his mouth suddenly sound unconvincing, sitting up in process. Donghyun follows and sits up on the bed, taking his face trapped in between his two hands. “No, I'm sorry if you're thinking that way.”

 

 

“Shhh---” Donghyun cuts him off with a kiss on his left eyelid. “It's okay, Woojin. I know. And it's okay, Woojin.” He kisses him on his right one. “I know that one day I have to go --- one day, he's going to come back and I'd have to give you back to him.”

 

 

“But---”

 

 

“You still love him.” Donghyun states simply. “He's never left there in your heart.”

 

 

Once Woojin looks up to the beautiful Donghyun in front of him, he sees his eyes puffy and nose red. His heart breaks as the elder twines their fingers together. “I'm sorry, love. I never wanted to hurt you.”

 

 

“When you fall in love, hurt comes along. When I loved you, I knew that it would be this painful. When you built yourself up again after he left you and became who you are right now, I think it's enough for me. The years we have had --- years we have spent together, I think I'm okay with it.”

 

 

“I'm so stupid.”

 

 

“In love, everyone becomes stupid. I did, too.”

 

 

Woojin kisses Donghyun's fingers and says, “I love you.”

 

 

“I know. But you're in love with him.”

 

 

It's the truth, he realizes. He loves Kim Donghyun – he owes him to who he is right now. His heart, however, has always been in love with Jeon Woong. He tried so hard --- attempted to forget him but Woojin knows he can't. Woojin knows he can never.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment nine:_ _**When we were crazy in love** _

 

 

_**from: the one that got away** _

_**message:** _

_can we meet?_

 

 

 

Woong fiddles with the strap of his jacket as he sits as straight as possible inside Woojin's car. He remembers the old jeep they used to go on a trip together as his eyes roam around compared to the luxury matte car that Woojin is driving now.

 

 

So many things have changed but Woong feels trapped and suffocated right here where he is.

 

 

“What happened?” Woojin's husky voice cuts through the train of his thought. “Why did you just break me?”

 

 

“I'm so sorry.” He says, not looking to where Woojin is at the moment. He's too scared that everything he's built for the last years they were apart would suddenly break down if he ever looks up to meet his eyes.

 

 

“I don't need your apologies!” He shouts suddenly, making the other jump on his seat. “I have had enough of your apologies. I need answers. I want answers. I deserve the answers to my questions, Woong. I don't want your apologies.”

 

 

“I---” He stutters, choosing to look outside instead. It's too dark outside, the way he feels right now, as well. “I was so scared, Woojin. I was so scared that they might out I was in a relationship with you. I was so so insecure that they might find out it was you.”

 

 

“Why?” He scoffs. “Because I was a nobody?”

 

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

 

Woojin hits his steering wheel loudly and Woong has the urge to wrap his arms around him and to soothe the anger the other is feeling. It will not be enough --- it's never going to be enough but he would make sure that he's going to be okay.

 

 

“Damn it, I told you I don't need your apologies. I want the truth!”

 

 

“Even if it hurts?”

 

 

“Especially if it hurts.”

 

 

“Yes.” He admits, voice a whisper.

 

 

Deafening silence that follows is too much for Woong to handle as Woojin halts the car. He lays his face on his hands as he sobs so loud Woong feels like his heart is being torn into pieces as he watches Woojin's shoulders shake from crying.

 

 

He's never once dreamed of hurting the same man he's only loved in his life. But how ironic how he does it exactly the same way he did before. This time, he watches instead of their turned backs from each other.

 

 

 

Woong comfortingly pats him on his back, rubbing circles the way he used to before just to ease some pain. But as Woojin looks back at him, he knows it's not going to be the same way as it was before.

 

 

“I gave you everything and more, Woongie hyung.”

 

 

_Woongie hyung,_ he notes and he thinks that maybe there's still some hope.

 

 

“I never expected anything in return but you --- you chose to break my heart. You still chose to leave me.”

 

 

“I had to make a decision, Woojin.” He reasons out desperately. “I had to make a decision for both of us. It was my future! It was what should make us both happy.”

 

 

“Did leaving me make you happy?”

 

 

Woong looks down and clenches his fist.

 

 

_Did it make him happy?_

 

 

_Did leaving meant him to be happy?_

 

 

Woong gather all the courage he has and exhales. “No.” Truth would set him free so he's going to be as truthful as he can be. “No, it never did. Did --- did it make you happy?”

 

 

The younger sits properly, sliding his hand off from the younger. Does he have the right to miss his warmth after all? He wonders as he stares at his hanging hand.

 

 

“Yes.” Woojin reveals honestly. “Us being away from each other brought me so many things I never knew I could do. When I lost you, there were so many things I didn't know would happen to me. When I lost you --- it's when I found myself.”

 

 

“Is this a good bye again, Woojin?”

 

 

 

The younger turns to him and sees there's a tiny smile on his face that makes him hope. There's another chance. There should be another chance. He needs one more last chance to make things right again, with Woojin. He needs this one last chance and he's never going to let it go.

 

 

“It's --- I'll see you around again.”

 

 

Woong nods and accepts the fate. It's not the end, at the very least.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_fragment of first:_ _**It should be you instead** _

 

 

 

“Woong!” His manager calls him. He looks up, turning off the speaker as he wipes his sweat. “You'll be seeing the new choreographer for your come back in a while.”

 

 

The singer smiles professionally and nods. “Thanks, hyung!” He says as the manager closes the door to his own practice room.

 

 

It's been a year since he's last seen Woojin and last the talk they had. He's never lost the hope in his heart and he never closes the possibility even if it's just 0.99% of seeing the younger again, no matter which circumstances they are going to be in.

 

 

_I'll be better. It'll be better. I'll make things better._

 

 

The door to his practice room opens and reveals a person he never expects to see once more. He's standing there in his faded jeans and white shirt. His hair is red and he has the nervous smile that shows the snaggletooth on his face.

 

 

“Hello.” He says tentatively, taking steps inside his practice room. He's more built and a little bit taller. He still has the same tanned skin and it takes all Woong's will not to pounce on the man standing in front of him. “I'll be your new choreographer, please take care of me.”

 

 

Woong grins harder as the other relaxes.

 

 

“I guess it never was a good bye after all.”

 

 

Woojin takes a step forward, much closer to him. He missed the proximity between them like this as he inhales the other's musky scent. “I told you that it's going to be an I'll see you around, remember?” He lifts his chin with his fingers with a wide smile dangling on his handsome face.

 

 

_Oh god_ , Woong realizes how much he's missed the other.

 

 

Woojin then offers his hand and asks, “Let's get to practice.”

 

 

The smile on Woong's face can't be shaken as he replies, “Try me.”

 

 

Woojin winks and Woong feels like dying.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You finished it? Congrats!  
> Make sure to leave kudos and comments!


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